Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Eubanks: Unplugged: S1: E24

October 25, 2012
It's a beautiful, rare, 75 degree, late October day here in Indiana, and my child is wearing snow boots because  I cannot find his shoes. I have searched the house high and low. They're probably hanging out with all the missing socks, hair ties, and pens I can never find. {Incidentally, have I mentioned we're reading The Borrowers? Things that make you go hmmmmm....} All the other kids at Dance/Gymnastice were wearing flip flops, and we show up in snow boots. But on the bright side, there was another mom there telling me about her mom-failure - she forgot to pack stuff to do for the kid who wasn't in the class but had to tag along. It's easy for me to say, "big deal" to her, but at the same time I'm judging myself because my kid is wearing boots.

Stuff like that (what I might harshly and superfluously (did I use that word right?) call "bad mom" moments, or "failures") are just dumb things that don't really matter. The girl with "nothing to do" found things to do. And my kid with the snow boots on doesn't wear them for class anyway. So whatever. THESE THINGS DON'T MAKE US BAD MOMS. It's ironic that I was a foster parent for about 3 years, and have seen first hand what truly "bad parenting" looks like. So bad, in fact, that the government actually decided to terminate parental rights and give those rights over to some other parents (ME, no less!). It takes a lot for that to happen, it truly does. And yet I can beat myself up over sandals vs. boots in October. What is wrong with me? Why is it always a competition to be the best mom? To have the best kids? To always look good in the eyes of everyone around me? Other moms look so "together" and I feel like such a mess. But what I'm trying to learn is, SO WHAT? So what if I look like a mess? So what if they all judge me? The only person I have to worry about judging me is God, and He loves me. He knows my heart, he knows my struggles, and HE LOVES MY KIDS INFINITELY MORE THAN I DO. So what if my kid is wearing snow boots when its 75 degrees out. Is he hurt by it? Did he eat today? Did he go to the dentist today? (In fact, he did!) Did somebody help him wipe his butt today? Has he had a bath lately? THOSE are the things that make a good mom. Maybe I need to start focusing on all the things that make me a GOOD mom instead of worrying about the so-called failures of every day. Let's all do that, ok?

The key word for my life right now seems to be "Freedom." Freedom from lies. Freedom from perfectionism. Freedom from comparison. I'm in the middle of this transformation, and I'm not sure where it's going to take me, but I am looking forward to finding out.

Also, our pumpkin is melting. I guess pumpkins aren't made for warm October weather.

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