Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Loss

Over the past few days I've lost three things that are (were) important to me (and/or us)...


#1 - Sunday afternoon my camera got broken. BIG bummer, since I use it all the time (as you can see from my blog).

Fortunately, it still takes pictures, but the LCD screen is cracked, so you can't preview the pictures you've taken. No biggie, really. I'm a bit bummed that it broke, but it's about 6 years old, and that's pretty old in technology years. I've been wanting a new one anyway.

#2 - Monday morning we woke up to discover our grill was no longer on the back porch where we keep it. Yep, just gone.

Another crack-head casualty, we assume, but who knows. I'm even more bummed about that than the camera, surprisingly. I can still use the camera. We can't use a grill that's not there! So, that's a bigger bummer, but still, we have a stove. It's not like we can't cook. It's sort of a luxury, really, we just like grilling in the summer. Who doesn't, right? But already I've seen several ads online for used grills. We'll be able to replace it pretty easily.

#3 - Today - and this is the biggest bummer - I discovered that I accidentally deleted a bunch of files off my computer. Journals. My personal, private journals I've kept since about 2003.

I've been a journaler since junior high. My entire life is documented since about age 12. Now the most important 5 (or so) years of my life are just gone - my marriage and births of my children. This oh-so-important era of my life that started when I moved to Elkhart - gone. I mean, those days and years are obviously gone, but in the written story of my life, that chapter is now missing.

And besides the personal journals, even more upsetting is the loss of the journals I've been keeping on my kids. I have one titled "Sage" and another titled "Jayna." I've kept a documentation of their growth, their milestones, funny things they've said and done. Little things I notice about their personalities. I planned to continue this throughout their childhood and then let them read it when they're all grown up. I feel the worst about that loss. I know I'll continue to document their lives (and mine). But I think I'll go back to the old fashioned, pen and paper. Maybe. I don't know.

I did download a couple data recovery programs, but they couldn't find anything. So, I guess now I can answer that age-old question, "what would you grab if your house was burning down?" Not the things that are replaceable (camera, grill). But the things that are irreplaceable like journals (people often say photo albums, which is kind of the same thing). I mean, obviously, I would get my kids first, but you know what I mean.

Lastly, I want to say that my friend Gillian is going through a difficult pregnancy, and Gill, I can't help but think this must seem so silly to you. I apologize for my shallowness, and by no means do I minimize the hugeness of the loss of life. I know my losses are only material things, and probably in a few years it won't matter much at all. You (and your precious babies) are constantly in my prayers these days.

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